I woke up this morning with a puff in my hair...

And I loved it. Lucy was sitting next to me and as soon as I turned over she gave me a huge grin. A toothy grin, at that. She handed me a puff and I pretended to eat it and said "yum yum!" I gave the puff back to her and she ate it and said "Yum yum!" My heart melted. If I could have replayed those 15 seconds for the rest of the day, I would, because I was literally a pile of mush.

I left Lucy on the bed (BAD MOMMA! BAD!) See, I can scold myself...but I needed to pee and on the dresser next to the bathroom David wrote me a note. "Took Libby with me to Mom's, running some other errands, be back around 2. Oh (and this is how he wrote it) Lucy's lunch is in the mini fridge. xoxoxo Love you, D and L"

I'm that lunatic that has a mini fridge in my bathroom because I need more beverages at an arms reach than any sane person ever would. So, for my birthday (per my request) David installed one in our bathroom under the vanity. It is quite perfect. I keep my endless amounts of water in there, juice, and whatever snacks or meals the girls share with me in bed also fit in their very nicely.

Today I feel hopeful. I feel an overwhelming sense of calm. And I feel loved, because right now Lucy has her head snuggled next to my left breast softly heaving sighs with droopy eyes. I love the feeling of her breathing. I made that little one. I made that 19 lb comedian who tries with all her might to walk across the room to Daddy, but just can't seem to get it yet. I made her and she literally takes my breath away.

I mean, I suppose David did have a part in it, but he'll never be able to know what it's like. Singing to the baby in my belly, feeling kicks, movements, and even the bad stuff. Being worried for someone I've never met and praying to God that he'll give me enough strength to handle every day.

I'm praying hard these days. Not just for my own well being, but for a lot of you ladies. For Nat and her little Alessa, for Heather and her growing bump, for the ladies that PM'ed me about their similar journeys. So I'm doing a lot of good praying. Healthy praying.

I believe God only gives me what I can truly handle. I feel like if I have enough power and strength to deal with my relapse, I have the power to do anything. That includes staying on bed rest long as long as I need to so Lola will be healthy when she arrives.

I just got off the phone with David....he put Libby on the phone. "Momma, what ice keem do you want." "Well, what ice cream would YOU want Libby?" "Chocowat" "Okay baby, chocolate it is."

My heart is melting. Hopefully, the chocolate ice cream doesn't.